Agoraphobia

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.
- Jane Wagner

Since the day one, I know this wasn't easy
I know I can, but can't stop the feeling
How do you make your mind and keep it going?
Don't you feel bad sometimes? and dissapointed?

Tell me doc... what it is... is this illusion?
Is my mind cheating and this is subterfuge?
What is it trying to get, who am I cheating?
Sticking to what I am, it's all so futile!

Am afraid to look out, put all this clothes on,
Cause am still so naked inside, under the dresses
I look so stable and brave and so conscious,
but when the clothes are off, informal comfort...

Am afraid to show out, I haven't shaved though
I feel so weak to show, but gotta play strong
Look Ma, please let me stay, look at those Goliaths
Am petrified and freak... Agoraphobia...

Am fret that you mishear, and misunderstand me
Am fret you understand, and get fret of me
Am fret I wan't to speak, and then regret back
Am fret of what I hear, maybe I should lock that
Am fret of all the crowds, hearing me in pulpit
Am fret of neighbors, when I am preaching
Am fret of hearing truths, that am not handling
Am fret of tell them now, its so painstaking
Afraid of showing them what they don't want to
Afraid of being afraid, and get paralyzed too...

Am going to stand up back, this isn'nt ending
Fears don't define my truth, they just complicate it
Look ma, am coming out, am Dave you Goliaths!
It's just a freaky stage... Agoraphobia...